As I grow I feel enormous wellsprings of benefits and wisdom arising from the Yin field. Important in all this newness, vision, and inspiration is time to rejuvenate, reflect, and integrate.
Many of my close friends and many I witness in the culture are bouncing from experience to experience, acquiring so much potency and inspiration from workshop and experience after experience, and for years I have been asking the question “what sets me apart that I feel so different from my peers, what is it that I am bringing to this global puzzle?”
Tonight I realized that it is partially to be found in the way I relate to experience and integration.
As a cys gendered white male, my cultural message has predominantly been about producing, achieving, power, strength, potency, ability, novel skill, and even amongst the more alternative-seeming health enthusiasts: bettering the self, biohacking, endless streams of books and media and podcasts.
Side note: I How much of these messages are actually profit driven on the part of the motivators?
What seems to set me apart from many men, and what seems to naturally incline me toward more comfort with women throughout my life, is an awareness of and enjoyment in the yin field. By that I mean rest, communication and reflection, integration, patience, softness, emotional feeling, aesthetic beauty, and the like.
For a while when I was younger I thought this meant I might be gay; I would spend the majority of my time either with women friends or alone. I was confused and yet clear in my aversion to my male peers’ activities: porn, one-upmanship, general violence, novel intense activity like fighting and fireworks, wild antics. I mean, I would get drunk and stoned with the guys and that was awesome sometimes. But it was the exception, and I usually felt most myself either alone or one-on-one with a trusted female peer.
So i’m at a stage in my life wherein I’m asking myself what are my deepest and most important gifts to give to the world. And that brings me to writing this, unpacking this whole flower blossom that is me, and getting to know what makes me, me. Over time it seems like there will be these clues that arise. There already are.
when im in public, or listening to various media, or with friends, and there’s this momentum and speed, I feel an edge arise in me and a desire to slow down, be restful, care for the body, reflect, integrate. There’s a quote that I read somewhere once that says something like “all the secrets of the universe can be found inside a single raindrop.” I’m sure many people have said many similar things, and it comes up for me often when I’m hearing about the next event, book, experience, workshop, etc. : a question arises in me: “when does it stop?” ... when is there an arriving and allowing the dust to settle.
So. I suppose my gift to the world has something to do with how I embody flow. For some myriad reasons, I have this heightened sensitivity to the balance in my body, mind, and spirit, and I make adjustments more quickly than others in response to what I feel. The questions of “why do I have this heightened sensitivity” and “what do I do with it” maybe are irrelevent at this point.
Suffice to say that the Yin field, as a man, as me, is something I’m very aware of take time to cultivate a relationship with.
It igives me a feeling of being nourished not only by the sun and the newness and the bright glow of growth, but also the deep roots of life-giving nutrients that I feel will feed a long and healthy life full of deep earthly connection.